Full disclosure: I’ve hesitated to write this entry. Not because I do not wish to update you, dear reader, but because writing it down makes it real. And I worry I might “jinx” myself.
I’ll get to the first point in a moment but what I want to explain first is ‘jinx’. Sometimes, when a person has to make a hard life decision or share personal news with others, it can be misconstrued as that person being ‘bitter’ or ‘jaded’ and the update itself can be called a ‘bitch-session.” And while it is not my intention to have this post present as such, I do worry that decision-makers related to my decision (Decision-ception!) may come across this update and color their perception of me.
I have always been a positive-minded person. “Glass is half-full”. Inconveniences are just life’s mundane journeys, so enjoy them. My personal mantra is “This Too Shall Pass”. It has helped me in many ways, from permitting myself to live in the moment because it will soon just be a memory, to strengthening my resolve because the pain or discomfort will soon be over with.
But at the same time… it has been my life’s dream to be an entertainer. And I consolidated that broad concept into Voice Acting. Since I was 7. I didn’t want to get into the Industry for fame or money or to be able to “work in my pjs”. I wanted to bring characters to life. It’s truly as simple as that.
The road to get there has been fraught with social-politics and business acumen that I simply didn’t prepare for and am not good at. I have many skills: I am a very fast learner, great at Customer Service, am a natural planner, an inspirational motivator and leader – I’m good at what I do. But I am not a “closer”. A Salesman. A wingman for myself.
And that has led me to my ultimate “decision”, the written word made ‘real’ as I said in the first sentence – the dreaded pivot. How can I professionally express this without a hint of my personal pain and sadness? How can one say “I failed at obtaining my dream” with a smile on their face?
I ask that you keep this notion in your mind as you read this entry. There will be bitterness here; it is inevitable. But that does not give you the full story no illustrate who I truly am – you are coming in at the end.
Let’s begin with a simple definition:
Pivot: (2): (especially in a business context) completely change the way in which one does something.
Definitions from Oxford Languages
Rather than ‘bury the lede’, I have actually already released my resolution in a video “Who Owns YOUR Voice? | The Ultimate AI VOICE Controversy Video – From A Voice Actor’s Perspective” but in case you missed it, here is a quote from that video:
(AI) has personally affected my own voice over business. As you know, I went full-time in Feb 2022 and I’ve lost clients because of the AI Clause. I’ve had to reject a contract from a client that I’ve worked with for 3 years, it was almost 4 years, and I’ve had to deny new clients because of AI Contracts. And it’s very disheartening because taking smaller gigs is kind of how you work your way up; you need to network and spread a good reputation for yourself. And to lose these smaller opportunities is really detrimental to a new voice over artist’s career. And although I’m not “new” – it’ll be my 10yr anniversary November 2023 – I’m still not where I want to be with it. So much so that I have actually decided to “pivot” and I am diversifying my employment.”
I go on to elaborate how I was studying at the time of recording but I am now happy to announce that I have officially been Certified as a Project Management Professional, through the accredited PMI (Project Management Institute).
“But that’s very relevant. Why do I have to basically go back to a day-job? Because I can’t get full-time work as a voice actor anymore. It was looking very promising and very hopeful and now it’s just getting harder. And voice acting will always be a passion of mine, so I will always do it as a “side hustle” and I wish to grow it and really maintain it, and really focus on character work and video games but I need to remove the stress of ‘where is the paycheck coming from?’, ‘Can I afford the mortgage?’, ‘health issues’, all that sort of stuff gets very expensive and when you’re not booking regular work, it can be very stressful. And so, I just realized I needed to make that move, that business directive, for my career.”
The Vow
In December 2021, I made an agreement with my sister and a vow to myself: I would give myself two years to see if I could make my Voice Over Business a viable career. I turned in my notice to my employer first thing after the holidays in January 2022 and, in the full months’ notice I gave them, I used my free time to prepare for the full-time launch of my freelance “side hustle”. I made sure I had savings put aside, I had absolutely no debt (aside from the mortgage but who doesn’t have some sort of monthly rent?), my VO Client Relations were going strong, and I was ready to hit the ground running.
That first year was a struggle and I certainly questioned my decision quite frequently. But I also saw many successes and my business got to the point of living month-to-month, which is great progress, as usually start-ups completely lose money in their first year. I joked that I earned what a high schooler does working at a fast-food restaurant. I made some marketing and re-branding purchases that dipped a bit into my savings, but overall, things remained untouched, and I was treading water.
And then AI popped up like a thief in the night. At the start of 2023, I simultaneously lost my best and longest client to a contract that I could not sign (due to that AI Clause I mentioned), and a new client I’d been working with daily for a year ghosted me. My “mother agency” also dropped their Voice Over Department. And just like that, I had lost my “fast-food” job.
I tried everything I had learned through Marketing at nonprofits, but I could not get anything more than “you’ve been added to our roster.” Yes, I did get work and new clients, but they were not (and are not) regular in any sense of the word.
Insanity, as we know, is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So, I dipped into my savings and outsourced my business development, in hopes that I might reach more clientele and raise my chances at closing deals. This company, while fun to work with, did not cultivate any results, aside from a lot of new connections on LinkedIn, and I amicably separated from them.
I felt stuck. Losing hope. My confidence suffered. And then I saw an ad on a fellow VO’s social about landing one of my personal dream agents, thanks to a Voice Over Marketing Coach.
Now, I’ve vaguely mentioned my experience with a Voice Over Marketing Coach before. It was a very… awkward situation where the coach had their cancer come out of remission right at the time that I signed on with them, and so they dropped the ball on my 3-month contract. How could I push back at the team, who tried their best to do what the coach promised, when they were simply filling in for her – while she was battling cancer! Wasting $4,000 was a painful pill to swallow but I couldn’t see any other way around it. Even now, I will never name this coach, but I do feel a bit ‘salty’ when I see their services advertised (They are back in remission, btw, so good news!).
One more push.
But what other choice did I have? I wasn’t building a strong clientele. In fact, I had LESS clients than I did when I went full-time the year prior. So, I signed on to another 3-month coaching session. This one was definitely worth the money ($2,700 for the record), but it’s a marathon, not a sprint. And while I did sign on with two new amazing agencies (having already gotten a replacement “mother agent” in Jayme Pervis), I’ve yet to book with them or get any new clientele. My ghosting-client has returned (turns out it was my rep’s fault, who is now leaving the company) but trust has been broken on my end (To add clarity: there is a signed contract involved which includes daily deliverables, which I was not being assigned. When I brought this up to the company separately, I was told to discuss it directly with my representative, whose only response was “everything is fine with the contract” and continued to ignore my outreach. So, that was fun).
While this might not seem as dire at first glance – there will be highs and lows – this was also running parallel with a personal health issue I was taking care of, which took thousands of dollars, draining my savings.
It is not hyperbolic of me to admit that I feel like a failure. I have no more strength to panhandle my services. The industry circle scoffs at other options, such as Fiverr and Upwork, and agencies have even refused to work with anyone who holds such accounts.
And through it all, I just want to bring characters to life. I don’t want to win awards or push to learn Medical Narration just to earn a buck. Is this childish? Sure. But it’s the truth.
Gone are the days when you can simply be a horse in an Agent’s stable, where you jump or cantor around when they tell you to and in return, they feed you. Anyone who has had that experience within the last 15-20 years is a Nepo-baby; yes, I said it. No hate. But it is a fact.
And those character jobs I want so desperately? Video games are hardly protected by the Union and anime is actually looked down on as the lowest form of voiceover (yes, this has been said). Yet still, it is being gate-kept by “inner circles” of the anime-dubbing monopolies. I so far have bitten my tongue against the worst culprit (with whom I have receipts proving this point) but again – I know that would only be taken as a jaded failure who couldn’t make it.
So, to summarize:
I can’t get the work that will help me build my business in order to book the work that I actually want to do. All the while being constantly asked “what have you been in”, and “that sounds fun, how do I do it?” or being given advice that simply doesn’t work in my industry. Just smile and nod, Cari, smile, and nod. Be gracious. They don’t mean anything by it.
Or how about the younger, prettier talent from YouTube and TikTok? Who garnered a following as an “influencer” and is now booking work without even having gone through training or producing a professional demo? No; don’t be jealous, Cari. Be happy for their success.
But at some point, it ultimately got to me.
Remember that vow that I took back in December 2021? I would give myself 2 years to prove that my voice over career could be viable… the other side of that ultimatum was that if I couldn’t determine the career operational, I would retire. My coach, my friends, my family – they’ve all been so supportive and keep telling me not to say that. To just keep doing it. Keep pushing. It’ll happen.
When? It will be 10 years this November (2023). Ten years of working full time and submitting auditions in the evenings and on weekends. Ten years of forgoing social events so I could have more time building my brand. Ten years of losing sleep, going without hobbies, never-stopping, just so that the few clients I get will be completely satisfied. And for what? For people to still ask me “where would I have heard your voice?”, “what are you working on now?” “what have you done?”. Never mind the 400+ Explainer videos, the 40+ eLearning presentations, the dozen mobile app games, the 70 audiobooks, 2 self-produced podcasts, 3 self-published books…. You know what the response is either verbally or written all over their face? “Yeah but, what else?”
I’m tired. I’m out of my prime. I’ve spent over $10,000 and at least 3 years’ worth of cumulative time attending seminars, one-on-one coaching, webinars, multi-video courses. I’ve worked with three marketing agencies; I’ve spoken to a handful of other voiceover artists who are at least slightly more successful than I. Yet here I am. 10 years in and still considered a “newbie”. Struggling to get work? You just need to take YET ANOTHER coaching course. That will do it; that will surely make all the difference.
At the start of this blog entry, I said it would be difficult for me and that I feared readers would think me jaded and bitter. But the truth is?… I am. I’m jaded towards my passion, I’m bitter towards my goal, I’m angry at my failure, and I’m heartbroken by the dream I couldn’t obtain.
So, what’s next? Well, the pivot of course.
I vowed to myself that I would let go, that voiceover would never be a “side-hustle” again. But I simply just cannot do that. I’m in an abusive relationship and cannot seem to escape the allure. The ‘what if’, the “just maybe”, or ‘a little bit more’.
And I know I would be advised to keep this to myself. Don’t admit struggle or defeat – not until you have success to provide a happy ending. But I have always wanted to document my personal journey to professional voice acting. Sometimes, documentaries don’t have happy endings.
But it’s not all “woe is me”. I am now trying to enter the Entertainment Industry using the skills and talent that I know I have. As a Project Manager.
Unfortunately, the video game industry is experiencing higher layoffs than ever before, globally. So, yet again, I’ve entered a field with serious competition, and I’ve got to start from the ground up.
I will still put out content. YouTube videos, vocal showcases, that sort of thing. But I need to redefine what success looks like for me. And things are a bit “in limbo” right now. I still have some VO Client-work. I’ll always submit myself to agent auditions. But I need to take a step back for a breather. After all, it’s a marathon, not a sprint; right?
Who knows where my next step will take me.